How to Throw an Anti-Valentines Day Party

Valentines day is quickly approaching and my trip to the mall today was a red and pink reminder of such. It seems that retailers will use any excuse to have a sale and make you think that your valentines day will not be the same without their heart shaped throw pillow or frisky cat kit equipped with cat ears and heart-shaped nipple tassels. But is everyone as excited for it as much as the lady purchasing the kit in line in front of me at the underwear store? No. Actually, some people are dreading the day, while others pretend to be oblivious to the "love is in the air" mentality surrounding them. And as every day passes getting closer to V-day, it becomes harder and harder to stomach. So how can you anti-participate, but still celebrate? With an anti-Valentines day party of course! Below are some steps to make your party a great one.

1. Tell guests that it is mandatory for them to NOT wear red or pink.
2. At no point during the evening may a guest say the V-word. Other words to avoid can include the L-word and sweetheart.
3. No one shall bring anything to the party that could represent valentines day such as chocolates, roses or cinnamon hearts.
4. At no point during the night shall any guest speak of an ex or any one they have been romantically linked to in the past or present (punishment of such should be determined beforehand).

Now that you are on the right track with these few how-to's, here are a few don't-do's.

1. Don't make pigs in a blanket appetizers, put two wieners in each and as you present them to your guests yell "caught you red handed you cheating pig!" while becoming teary-eyed.
2. When your best friend shows up with her new floral clutch yell at her "what are you trying to do? ruin my night?!" in front of everyone.
3. As your making a toast at the end of the night, don't sob and tell your guests "here's to another lonely year with out any one to kiss me good night" or anything remotely close to such.

So, now that you have all your tips to a great night, get out there and don't let those pink teddy bears and red heart shaped cards get you down. Use it as an excuse to get together with your friends and drink, and any excuse for that is fine by me.